Imagine you and I are in a pub having lunch, talking about the things we care about. We’re in the middle of the room so people often walk past and they often have comments to make but never stop to hear your response. Others will sit with us for a while, nursing a snakebite and asking why we’re not drinking. No amount of manners will shift them. The passing comments start focusing on the drinking, others sit down with us and must be included or get rowdy. “So you don’t drink?”. There’s no point finishing our lunch, and none of them notice us leave.